


Hunk and Lance vs Evil

by Nightzilla333



Category: Tucker & Dale vs. Evil (2010), Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Future, Alternate Universe - Tucker and Dale vs Evil, Character Death, Everyone is older, Future Fic, Hunk and Lance centric, Inspired By Tumblr, Inspired by artwork, Murder, Not exactly to the movie because I followed the script that I was able to find online, OOC, PTSD, but I apparently like making people suffer because Hunk and Lance both have PTSD, close enough to the movie though, i should tag that, inspired by Onesmolhurt, maybe some slight OOC, so don't be expecting much, the pairing only comes in right at the end, there is only a pairing because I'm shipping trash, this was supposed to be happy, this was written before season six and season seven so Lotor isn't a major dickwad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-17 13:06:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14189595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightzilla333/pseuds/Nightzilla333
Summary: Lance bought a cabin. Hunk decides to help fix it up. Somewhere along the way a group of college kids decide to try to kill them.Inspired by the artwork by Onesmolhurt here: https://twitter.com/onesmolhurt/status/935166955945971713Not beta read. Any and all mistakes are my own.





	Hunk and Lance vs Evil

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Onesmolhurt](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Onesmolhurt).



The twang of the guitar matched the beat of Lance’s hands on the steering wheel. The sky was bright blue, cotton seeds drifting through the air. Green hills were slowly turning into mountains, and the air was clear. A beat up Chevy rolled down the road, an aluminum boat tied to the top. The back of Lance’s truck was filled with tools, and his best friend Hunk was in the seat next to him. Resting in the back was a white bulldog with brown spots named Rax, drool dripping from its chin.

“Did you even try talking to her?” Lance glanced at his friend, a smile playing on his lips.

Hunk sighed. “I was gonna, but she moved away before I got the chance.” He picked at a stray thread on his flannel shirt.

Lance let out a loud laugh, shaking his head. “Before you got the chance!? Dude, she lived across from you for a year.”

“I was waiting for the right time!” Hunk tried to shrink in on himself, a nearly impossible feat seeing as he was nearing seven feet tall, and had shoulders so broad he almost took up half of the seat.

“She lived across the street from you!” Lance shook his head again, laughter echoing in the car. “You, my good friend, are hopeless with the ladies.” Lance took a swing of his beer.

“I’m just not as good as talking to girls like you. I just get all nervous and end up saying something stupid.”

Lance rolled his eyes. “You know, buddy, you got quiet the inferiority complex.”

“No I don’t!” Hunk looked at his hands and then at his friend. “If you keep rolling your eyes at me they’re gonna fall out.”

Lance glared at his friend and took another swig of his beer, then jumped when the chirp of a siren was heard behind them. His beer dropped between his legs, splashing all over his crotch and quickly soaking through. “Shit.”

“Lance, buddy, let me help with that. I got a rag. You’re gonna have to take care of your junk yourself though.” Hunk quickly leaned over, head neatly tucked under Lance’s arm and quickly starts sopping up the beer with the rag.

“Ah, shit.”

“Hunk, what happened? Can you hurry it up?” Lance glanced at the side view mirror, paling slightly when he noticed the officer walking towards them.

“I’m stuck.”

“Well, get unstuck!” Lance hissed.

Hunk started jerking, the truck rocking with the motion. A blush quickly spread across Lance’s face, the foot not on the brake started to jiggle slightly. “Hunk, hurry it up. He’s almost here!”

There was a sharp tear in the air, and Hunk jerked back, rag in hand, shirtless. Lance snickers before jumping again when the officer knocks on the window. “Howdy,” Lance glanced at the nametag, and flashed his best smile. “Sheriff. Beautiful day, ain’t it.”

“License please.”

“Oh, yep.” Lance waved his hand toward the glove box, and Hunk pops it open, handing Lance a wrinkled piece of paper. “I lost my wallet about a week ago, the new one is in the mail.”

The sheriff glanced at the piece of paper. “Where are you two headed?”

“Well, funny you should ask that! I just got myself a vacation home up by Morris Lake. I mean, I sank every penny I had just to get it. But my buddy Hunk and I are gonna head up there and fix it up, and maybe do a bit of fishing.” Lance beams another smile at the sheriff. He leans a bit closer to the sheriff, and, in a quieter tone, says: “See, Hunk here has been feeling down lately. I figured some man-time might help him out a bit.”

Hunk smiles and gives a little wave at the sheriff when the man’s gaze moves over to him. The sheriffs eyes narrow, and when he speaks next Lance and Hunk could feel the judging coming from him. It didn’t feel as strong as when Shiro was judging them for their antics… but, well, _Shiro_. “There ain’t no fish in them mountains.”

“Well, that’s why we brought the boat. We figured we would try the lake.” Lance gives a laugh, slightly strained sounding, and spared a quick glance at Hunk. Hunk is also giving a strained laugh, his definitely more forced sounding. They immediately stop when the sheriff leans in even closer.

“There ain’t nothin’ up there but pain and suffering beyond what you can imagine.”

Lance and Hunk look at each other, their eyebrows raised. Hunk gave a short shake of his head at Lance, knowing that his friend just wanted to say something along the lines of: “okay, but we had to save the universe… _in space_. Space has black holes and the Galra.”

Luckily, Lance instead said: “Oh… okay.”

The sheriff relaxes entirely, and spoke as if he didn’t just try to threaten Lance and Hunk. “Anyway, I pulled you over because you have a broken turn signal. Make sure you get that fixed.” The sheriff scribbled out a ticket and handed it to Lance. Lance nodded his thanks.

“Yes, sir. And thanks for the help!”

Lance rolled up his window as soon as the sheriff walked away. Hunk collapsed in his seat, and his mangy dog barked in agreement. They hear rocks crunch from under the tires of the police car, and both watched in the review mirror as the sheriff pulls a U-turn and drives away. “That was weird. Right?”

“Super weird. Poor guy is probably just jealous. He might not be able to afford a vacation home. Or a place on his own. I mean, we saved the galaxy, Hunk, and I was barely able to afford this place.”

“Well,” Hunk reached into the backseat and grabbed two beers from the cooler. “Here’s to the good life!”

Hunk and Lance popped open the cans of beer and toast each other. Lance puts his beer can in the drink holder. He flicks on his signal and starts to pull out.

“Look out!” Hunk yells, one hand clutching his dog.

There was a squeal of tires and a black suburban swerved around them. Lance hit the brakes. They both jerk against their seatbelts. “Thanks bud.”

Lance shoulder checks to make sure the way is clear before pulling out again.

***

Lance is standing at the counter of a store, listening to the clerk speak. “Are you sure you got everything you need? Once you’re out there you’re a long way from–”

The bell above the door gave a cheery jingle, as two kids – one male, and one female – enter the store, looking nervous. Or, rather, it was a couple of college students, but everyone was a kid to Lance after space. He called Shiro a kid once… Shiro lightly smacked him on the back of his head, and Pidge choked on their orange juice. “Can I help you?” The clerk asks as the kids stand there, frozen.

Lance could kind of understand that. The store was decorated with skulls and stuffed mounted animal heads. Various camping and farm supplies lined most of the shelves, leaving only one for food. There was beer in the back. It was a kind of shady looking place… but space.

“Where… uh, where’s your beer?” The male asks, voice shaking.

“Beer’s in the back.” The clerk had raised an eyebrow as the male shoots off, leaving his female companion alone to wander the store. The clerk looks back at Lance, peering at Lance over his glasses. “You see the way them kids looked…”

Lance shrugs. “Read the list back to me just to be sure.”

“Alrighty. We got 3/4 inch nails, a hack-saw, bailing hooks, machete, brush clearing scythe, wood-chipper...”

Lance nodded along, briefly distracted by a startled gasp-squeak hybrid, but when he looks over all he sees is Hunk holding a giant jar of pickled eggs with a giant smile on his face. “Is that all you want bud? Can you think of anything else we could need?”

***

“Hunk, care to help me out a bit here, buddy?” Lance panted, struggling under the weight of a pile of tools.

“Have you ever seen anything like them?”

Lance glanced over at the group of college kids and dumped the tools into the bed of the truck. “They’re just your average college girls.”

“There ain’t nothing average about them.”

Lance rolled his eyes. “She’s just human. Go over there and talk to her.”

“Talk to her?!” Hunk squeaked, and the group of college kids looked over. Hunk quickly slipped his hand into the pickled egg jar. “What would I even say?” Hunk managed to ask in a quieter tone.

“I don’t know. Tell her you’ve been to space!” Lance laughed when Hunk gave him the look. “Or don’t. Allura would descend from the heavens, dragging around her new husband, and smack us upside the head. Oh! I know! Tell her you’re a well-travelled chief that has worked with dozens of types of exotic foods!” Lance nodded his head. “It’s a great opener.”

“You’re crazy. I’m not just gonna walk up to a stranger and open with that! She might think I’m flirting with her!”

“Look, Hunk… girls can smell fear! You just gotta be yourself!”

“This isn’t space, Lance, girls can’t smell fear.”

 “I have a little sister. Trust me, they can.”

Hunk rolled his eyes and picked up a scythe. “I’ll go talk to her, if only to get you to be quiet.”

“That’s my boy. Now, whatever you say just smile and laugh afterwards. It shows confidence.” Lance brushed some lint off of Hunk’s collar, and shoves him forward.

Hunk’s feet dragged through the dusty ground, the scythe acting as a walking stick. Hunk stops in front of the girls filling the small cooler with ice, fully intending on speaking. Except, when one of the girls looks up at Hunk, her big, brown eyes looking yellow in the light, Hunk freezes. Suddenly, he’s back on the Balmera, screams and cries echoing through the air. His gun is starting to feel heavy, but the enemies keep coming. All he can think is _Shay, Shay, Shay_ and her tears as she holds her brother in her arms, blood smeared on the ground. They’re trying to evacuate, and he doesn’t know how muc–

“We don’t want any trouble!”

And Hunk snaps back to where he is now, eyes wide. The girls are huddled together, cooler forgotten on the ground. The scythe Hunk is holding is tilted towards him. The college kid in front of Hunk does a weird motion with his hands, and continues speaking. “I know jujitsu! Just back off, and you won’t get hurt.”

Hunk blinks, feeling tears well in his eyes. He straightens the scythe in his hand, and nods. The girls gather their cooler, and all the kids scramble into the Suburban. The tires squeal as the vehicle peals out of the parking lot.

Hunk drags his feet back over to Lance, head handing. The scythe gets tossed into the bed of the truck, and Hunk climbs in. The bulldog clambers into Hunks lap and whines. Hunk holds the dog to his chest, tears streaming down his face. He barely registers the sad look that Lance gives him when Lance climbs in.

A twist of the key brought the truck to life, and a soft guitar twanged through the speaker system. The scenery blurred, though Hunk couldn’t say it was because of the tears or because Lance refused to do the speed limit.

***

It took a couple more hours, but when they pulled up to the cabin both Hunk and Lance were stumped. “Oh… wow.” Hunk whistled out.

“Don’t! Don’t say anything.”

The cabin came straight out of a horror movie. The wood looked old and potentially rotten. The glass windows were covered in a thick layer of dust, and the porch was collapsing on one side. Various vehicles were littered across the front yard, and all together the front yard needed work.

In sync Hunk and Lance threw open the truck doors and stepped out. The few long years in space made unison an easy thing to achieve. “Lance, there’s a keep out sign nailed into the front door.”

Lance braced his feet against the wall and wrapped his hands against the edges of the metal sign. There was a grunt as Lance yanked at the sign hard enough to make his body horizontal to the ground. Finally the rotted wood gave and Lance plummeted to the ground. “And now there’s not.” Lance groaned and rolled back onto his feet.

The door creaked on its hinges as they pushed it open, breaking a giant spider web and sent a family of rats scurrying out the door. Lance whimpered and danced over the rats. Hunk laughed. “Dude. How do rats still scare you after you’ve fought various aliens?”   

“I know what rats carry Hunk.”

Hunk snorted and pushed past Lance, Rax trotting happily after him. Lance trailed after Hunk when Hunk let out another whistle. “You should have let Keith come with us.”

“I am not letting Mullet-head help out with the get-away house!”

“I think the get-away house used to house a murderer.” Hunk tapped the hanging bones so they swung back and forth.

 “No! No, no, no, no, no. Hunk, buddy, the person who lived here was clearly an archeologist.”

“They have newspaper clippings from their kills pinned to the wall.”

“No, they were clearly keeping this coupon that doesn’t expire for Arby’s!”

“Dude… that’s attached to an article titled ‘Memorial Day Massacre: One Survivor. Disappeared. Raped and Tortured.”

“Okay so I bought a murder-house!”

Hunk left Lance to tear down the newspaper clippings. “Dude… there’s an incinerator.”

“I’m already aware of the fact that I bought a murder-house, Hunk, you don’t need to keep rubbing it in.” Lance spins on his heel and kicks a rafter beam. There’s a creak as the beam tilts, which almost covers the small click. Lance doesn’t have time to react as Hunk tackles him to the ground.

Another beam, hidden previously in the shadows of the ceiling, swings to where Lance was standing. There is a plank of wood with nails sticking out of it attached to the bottom. If Lance was still standing the nail board would have hit the back of his skull. It continues the swing all the way the front door before it rests back to be somewhere in the middle.

Both Lance and Hunk are staring at the beam, eyes wide. “We should fix that.” Lance said and licked his lips.

“Yup.”

“Hunk, buddy?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re kinda heavy.”

***

It was dark by the time that Lance and Hunk managed to get to the boat to do some fishing. Though, neither of them seemed to be having luck, and every once in a while Lance would stare at the water as if he were expecting a tentacle to burst through the surface and drag him under.

Still, the beer is cool, the night is warm, and there is the familiar and calming noise of crickets. There is a shriek and laughter and a splash. The college kids are swimming and playing in the water.

Lance notices the girl standing on the rock and taking her shirt off first. Hunk is quick to follow Lance’s gaze. Quickly he smacks Lance in the shoulder. “Dude, don’t watch.”

“What? Oh!” Lance shook his head. “No, dude, I wasn’t…” He trails off at Hunks look. “Sorry. She reminds me Plaxum.”

Hunk shakes his head and reaches for the last beer. There’s a pop and fizzle of the can being opened, and something bumping underneath the boat.

It’s probably a fish, but Lance freezes all the same. The fishing rod drops from his loose grips and bangs against the side of the boat and falls into the water. The girl on the rock swings her head towards the two on the boat and screams. Lance jolts forward, limbs flying out, and Hunk manages to grab him before he capsized the boat.

Hunk watches in slow motion as the girls foot slips and she falls face first towards the rock. He winces at the crack – but notices that the sound brought Lance back – and starts to paddle towards the girl as her limp body splashes into the water.

He’s almost resigned when Lance stares at horror at the water and decides to jump in himself. Hunk pinches his noise closed and jumps, grateful that the boat didn’t tip over with his jump. He’s doubly grateful that the college girl didn’t sink far at all in the time it took to get over to her.

The college girl is heavy with water, but the weight is practically nothing when compared to the Bayard-canon he used to lug around. So it’s easy for Hunk to toss the unconscious girl into the boat, having her partly land in Lance’s lap. He’s also able to climb into the boat quickly.

Lance is checking out the girls breathing when they hear screaming. Hunk starts to wave his arms. “Hey!” He shouts. “We’ve got your friend!”

The two other college kids scream again and run off into the woods. Lance and Hunk share a look and shrug. “She hit her head pretty bad, but she’s coughed up all the water.” Lance says.

“We should probably bring her back to the cabin.”

***

The college girl is awake when Hunk walks in carrying a plate of pancakes. She immediately begins screaming and begging. Rax hops off of the bed. “Get away!” She screams and shakes a foot at the dog.

“Oh! That’s just Rax. She looks kinda mean, but she’s a sweetheart.” Hunk takes a step towards her. “I’ve made some pancake–”

“No!”

“Do you not like pancakes? I know it’s not much, but it’s all I could manage with what we had. I’ll go see if we have any meat or something.” Hunk’s out of the room before the girl could process the words.

***

The next time Hunk enters the room he’s carrying a sealed bottle of water and some jerky. The girl is sitting in the bed again, Rax laying on her lap. “Sorry, this is all we have for food. Lance is probably gonna head into town to pick up some more food. We weren’t expecting animals to get into the cooler last night.”

“What am I doing here?”

“Oh! You don’t remember. My friend Lance and I brought you here last night after you slipped and hit your head. You fell into the water.”

“What happened to my friends?”

“They ran off! You need better friends.”

The girl glances down at her clothes. “Umm…”

“Sorry, I don’t carry girl clothes. And those are technically Lance’s. Mine would have slid right off of you.”

The girl nods and accepts the food from Hunk when he hands it to her. She chews ravenously on the jerky, and watches Hunk start to tidy up.

Soon the jerky is finished and the water bottle is empty. “Hey, what’s your name?”

“Oh! I’m Hunk. And you?”

“My name is Alison, but my friends call me Ally.”

“Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Alison.” Hunk turns to leave, humming a merry tune.

“Do you have anything to do around here?”

“Well… Lance and I just got the place, and we still gotta tidy it up. But I did see some board games.”

***

Lance was busy trying to get the chainsaw to start when he glanced into the cabin window. Hunk was smiling, a real smile – the first smile since the Balmera. The girl seemed to be up and moving, and the two were playing some board game. “Well, you go Hunk!”

***

Lance should have seen the wasps coming. Honestly, cleaning up the front yard was going way too easy, so _of course_ there was going to be a wasp’s nest in the tree he was sawing into. And _of course_ the chainsaw would choose that moment to actually refuse to turn off. It refused to turn on, and now it refuses to turn off. And with the wasps swarming him and starting to sting and bite Lance didn’t have time to put it safely down.

So Lance ran. Honestly, the flailing of the chainsaw was an accident. And Lance didn’t blame the college kid running away. It was probably pretty scary to see a crazy looking man swinging a chainsaw in the air.

Lance runs into the woods, the wasps slowly dispersing. He wasn’t sure if he killed any of the wasps with the flailing of the chainsaw, or if they no longer considered him a threat… but he was glad that the stinging and biting was dying down.

He had briefly seen the college kid from outside of the house briefly, but Lance veered off towards the lake. Finally, after toggling the power switch over and over and over again, the chainsaw turned off. Lance tossed it into the bush before diving into the water of the lake.

His head broke through the surface, and Lance gasped for breath. Slowly, he swam towards the shore. Lance grabbed the chainsaw and began the trek back to the cabin.

***

Hunk groans when Alison rolls another twelve. She landed on one of her own properties, in a sea of her properties. Hunk was in jail. Again. “How are you so good at this game?”

“I’m playing with loaded dice.”

“We’re playing with the same dice!” Hunk laughed.

“Magical, loaded dice.” Alison winked.

They were sitting in the main body room of the cabin. Sunlight filtered through the dusty window and hole filled curtains. “So, what are you studying in college?”

“I’m getting my bachelor’s degree in psychology.”

“Oh yeah? What kind of work are you thinking of doing?”

“When I graduate? Well…” Alison trailed off and sighed. At Hunk’s pointed look she continued. “I don’t know. I have these stupid dreams.”

“Dreams aren’t stupid.”

“Well... I just think so many problems in the world happen because of a lack of communication, you know?”

Hunk nodded and rolled the dice. Snake eyes. He was out of jail.

“I kind of always thought I would be a really good therapist.” Alison shrugged and leaned her chair back against the beam Lance had kicked earlier.

“Don’t!” Hunk shouts.

The front feet of the chair slam back into the ground as Alison lurches forward. “Yeah… my parents say the same thing.”

“No... I think you can do anything you want to do. But that beam’s a bit rickety.”

The door slams open, banging against the wall and sending dust flying into the air. Lance stood in the doorway, eyes wide and face swollen mess. Immediately Hunk was out of his chair and moving over the Lance. His hands wrapped around Lance’s shoulders and guided Lance to the chair Hunk previously occupied. “What the hell happened to you?”

“I sawed into a wasps nest.”

“Jesus Christ. I should have been out there helping you, not playing Monopoly.”

“It’s fine Hunk.”

“Let me help you get you some ice. When the swelling goes down I’ll help with anything you want.” Hunk hurries over to the cooler.

“I saw one of your friends in the woods – thanks Hunk,” Lance pressed the ice against his face. “He must have been allergic to bees because he was running like crazy.” Lance’s voice went up a pitch, and Hunk squinted at Lance, but didn’t say anything.

Alison started to stand. “I should go look for them.”

“You need your rest. We’ll go out and find them.” Hunk gave Alison a smile as he spoke.

“But…”

“No buts. You need your rest. We’ll find them, won’t we Lance?”

“Uh…” Lance started, but then noticed Hunks look. “Yeah. We’ll find them.”

“Okay, just… be careful? My friends can be a little judgmental.”

“That’s okay. Lance is really good at winning people over.”

Lance nods. “Has the swelling gone down? My looks are part of my charm.”

“A bit.”

Lance nodded at Hunk and shoved back on the chair. “Let’s go.”

The door swung on rusty hinges as Hunk and Lance exited the area.

***

“Look! Someone was just here!” Hunk pointed at the hatchet lodged into a tree.

“We should leave a message, in case they come back this way.”

“Good thinking.” Hunk yanked the hatchet out of the tree, and the both of them walked over to a fallen log.

“Hey! College kids! College kids! We have your friend!” Lance yelled as Hunk carved a fallen log.

 “Hopefully they were close enough to hear. Let’s head back.”

***

The pickaxe swung through the air and landed in the ground with a solid _thunk_. He had already marked out the 6x6 area, and now he was digging deep.

“Hunk, did you find my friends?”

Hunk turned and blinked in surprise. Alison was wearing one of his plaid shirts, tied up so that it showed off most of her belly. She was also wearing a pair of Lance’s pants, the legs rolled up to be just below her knees and the waist rolled down. The zipper was slightly undone, which Hunk thought was kind of unpractical.

"Ah… no. We left a message though.”

“Okay… what are you doing?”

“Building an outhouse.”

“Can I help?”

 “Sure.”

The two worked quietly and quickly. When they paused to take a break Hunk asked: “Where did you learn to do this?”        

“I grew up on a farm. It was either help out or get out.”

“Huh.” Hunk shrugged. “Wanna switch?”

Alison nodded and hands Hunk the shovel.

***

It was the scream as they were crawling out of the hole that sent shivers down Hunk’s spine. The college kid yelling at them as he ran with a spear was just the icing on the cake. But before anything else could happen, Hunk was on his back in the dirt, Alison unconscious beside him. The college kid’s spear was thrust into the dirt right next to Hunk within a second, and the college kid pierced his body on the spear. Hunk screamed and shoved at the body. Blood drained onto his face, pouring out of the college kid’s mouth.

***

The whirring of the wood-chipper drowned out most noise… well, that and the noise proof ear-covers he was wear. He was almost through his pile of wood, and the cut up bits would be a great decoration in his flowerbeds.

As he’s ducking to pick up another chunk of wood he sees someone run past him through the corner of his eye. He drops the wood quickly – screaming – as the college kids dives headfirst into the wood-chipper. He’s still screaming as he pulls at the legs, trying to yank the college kid out, blood spraying everywhere and into his mouth. He’s still screaming as the wood-chipper turns with each yank, blood spraying out of the front and splattering through the bushes.

Finally the body comes loose, and Lance falls backwards. He’s still screaming when the mangled lower half of a body lands on his.

***

The cabin door banged against the wall, hinges protesting. He heard Lance screaming, but Alison isn’t waking up. Her body is limp in his arms. Gently, still trying to wake her up, he lays her down onto the bed she was in earlier. “C’mon, Alison, wake up. Please?”

The cabin door bangs open again, and Lance comes streaming in. Tears are slowly making their way through the blood on his face. “I think there is something wrong with those college kids! One just threw himself headfirst into the wood-chipper. I think they’re trying to kill themselves, or something. Like that weird cult on Tritareon! Oh, god, we have hide all the sharp things.” Lance runs into the cabin’s kitchen, and Hunk hears the sound of silverware and slamming drawers.

“I think they’re trying to kill Alison too. That’s why they acted so weird when we saved her. They _wanted_ her dead.”

“Why would they want her dead?”

“Maybe she knows something she shouldn’t.”

“Like what, Hunk?” Lance hissed.

“I don’t know!” Hunk hissed back. “We should call the police.”

“And say what?! ‘Oh, hello officer. A bunch of kids started murdering themselves on our property. One of them just dived headfirst into a wood-chipper?!’” Lance scream/sobbed, hands flailing about. “Look at us, Hunk! I’m soaked in body fluids and your face is still covered in blood! We look like deranged hillbillies!”

“Well… it’s the truth.”

“The truth isn’t going to mean anything to them! It looks ugly outside, and that’s what they’re going to see. The only thing that’ll matter to the cops is putting us in handcuffs!”

“Well… maybe we should call the others. I’m sure Pidge would know what to do.”

Lance grimaced at the thought. “Yeah… you’re right.” Lance looked outside. “We should probably clean up a bit first.”

Hunk nodded, the colour draining from his face. “Let’s clean ourselves up first.”

***

The space phone just connected to Pidge when they hear the whooping sound of a police siren. “Sorry, Pigeon!” Lance shouted, and immediately disconnected.

“Shit.” Hunk whispered.

It took them longer to clean up than they thought it would. They had to cut the shirt away from Lance’s body. And the water ran thick with blood too soon. They each had to take a campers bath, and Lance had to scrub his hair viscously. There was still chunks of blood in it. Now, though, Lance and Hunk were both wearing something similar to what they used to when they first went to space… these might actually be the same outfits from later on in space. Same as when they first went, but bigger to account for muscle mass. The bloody clothes rested in a pile by the handy-dandy incinerator in the corner of the cabin. It probably was used to burn bodies, but, y’know, details.

“Just… let me do the talking?” Lance said slowly.

“Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

Together, like two men marching to the gallows, the headed to the door. The hinges protested once again as the door squeaked open. They stood on the rickety porch as the police car pulled into the gravel front yard next to Lance’s truck. There was a small group of college kids in the cruiser.

“Howdy, sheriff. It’s good to see you again. You would not believe the day we’ve been having.” Lance gave a grin, glad that the swelling of his face went down with his impromptu bloodbath.

The sheriff gave them both a flabbergasted look. He doesn’t say anything, and Lance takes this as a sign to start saying something.

“You see, Hunk and I were just up here,” Lance’s grin morphs into a beaming smile and he grips Hunk’s shoulder. “Minding our own business, when these kids just start killing themselves off. And, I know! Trust me, I know how that sounds. It sounds crazy. But it’s true! One of them dove headfirst into the wood-chipper!”

“Yeah! And another one speared himself through his own stomach!” Hunk chipped in.

“We even have one of their friends – this girl, Alison – in the cabin. We think they’re trying to kill her too. She got knocked out by one of the kids when they attacked. She might be awake right now. In the cabin.”

The sheriff squinted back and forth between Hunk and Lance. “You must think I’m real stupid to have to believe this bullshit story.”

“Please, Sheriff, Alison can vouch for us.” Lance pleaded. “Just come inside the cabin.”

The sheriff nods his head, and gestures at the two to lead him inside. “Alison is on the bed in there. She hit her head when the spear guy attacked us. Hopefully she’ll wake up soon.”

The sheriff walks into the side room where Alison lays and pulls out a pen light. He pulls back one of her eyelids and shines the light into it. “Well, her eyes are still equal and reactive to light. At least she’s not brain dead.”

“Oh thank god.” Both Hunk and Lance breathe out in unison.

“I told you boys to stay away from this place but you just didn’t listen, did ya? Now, you’re looking at at least two counts of involuntary manslaughter, but you’d be lucky to get that. Most likely you two are gonna get the chair.” The sheriff huffs out and shakes his head.

“I thought they stopped the death penalty across the States a couple of years back.” Hunk tilted his head.

“Of course,” the sheriff continues to talk as if Hunk hadn’t spoken. “If she really can corroborate your story, who knows... I guess you got a lot riding on her coming out of her coma. If you’re telling the truth, that is.”

“C’mon, Sheriff, do we really look like a bunch of psychotic killers to you?” Lance asked in his sweetest voice.

“Well,” the sheriff led them back into the main room. “Look can be deceiving.” The sheriff slapped his hand on the evil-beam.

“No!” Hunk and Lance screamed in unison. But it was too late. The beam creaked and there was a click. The hidden beam swung down and lodged the piece of wood with nails sticking out of it into the sheriff’s head.

The sheriff stumbled outside, walking crookedly to the cruiser. Helplessly Hunk and Lance follow the sheriff outside. They don’t know that they’re screaming, but they’ll feel it later. The cruiser door gets yanked open, and they watch the sheriff pull out the radio. He presses the button and turns to look at them before falling over the open cruiser door.

The college kids scramble out of the cruiser like ants. They, too, are screaming. Their screams get muffled the further they run into the woods. All except one. He grabs the gun from the sheriff’s holster. “Die, you motherfuckers!” He points it at Hunk and Lance and pulls the trigger.

 _Click_. Nothing comes out, and the kid stares at it in confusion.

Without thinking, Hunk says: “You gotta take the safety off first.”

Lance smacks Hunk on the arm. The college kids twists around the gun, finger still on the trigger. The safety clicks off and his finger pulls the trigger. _BLAM!_ The college kid’s brain splatters over the cruiser.

Numbly, Hunk and Lance walk back into the murder-cabin. “That beam is a bloody plot device, Hunk. We should have disabled that first thing.”

Hunk just nods his head.

There’s the sound of a gunshot ringing throughout the area. It pings through a window, between Hunk and Lance, and lodges itself in the wood behind them. Immediately Hunk and Lance hit the deck. “Y’know, Hunk, none of this would have happened if you didn’t have such a big heart.” Lance deepens his voice, and Hunk knows he’s being mocked. “Oh, look, the poor girl is drowning, let’s go save her!”

A gunshot, another ping, another puff of dust as the bullet lodges into the wall. “Yeah, well, we wouldn’t have even been on the lake in the first place if you weren’t so scared to go into water on your own. I didn’t even want to come here in the first place!”

More gunshots, more pings, more dust. “You didn’t want to come?” Lance’s voice was weak.

“Not really? City life helps me, Lance. I like being near people. I like being able to help people. It’s why I came with you in the first place. To help.”

The gunfire ceases. Then – through the ringing of their ears – they hear the pained whine of a dog. “Rax?” Hunk whimpers.

They peek over the ledge of the window. Rax is being held by her collar, a gun pointed at her head. “Your move, you freaks!” The college kid holding Rax and the gun shouts.

Hunk and Lance duck back down. “They’re gonna kill my dog, Lance. I can’t watch… I _can’t_.” Hunk sobs.

Lance takes a deep breath through his nose. “I think… Hunk, I got a plan.”

“I don’t like your plans. Your plans are always self-sacrificing.”

“Hush. Did you bring in the nail-gun?” Hunk nods his head, and Lance continues. “Alright. The plan is simple. You fire the nail-gun at them, try not to hit them. But keep them distracted. Cover me.”

Hunk nods and army crawls over to the nail-gun. He grabs it and a couple of clips and army crawls back over to Lance. A clip gets clicked into place. “Hunk. Cover me.”

Hunk pops up and starts firing out the broken window. The college kid ducks behind the cruiser, his buddy taking the dog and tying her up to a tree. Lance darts over to the side window and out of it. Hunk is screaming, firing.

Lance dives into the dirt when he gets close to Rax. The college kid with the gun and his buddy are both hiding and keeping an eye on Hunk, not noticing Lance slip closer. Lance’s slim fingers make quick work of the knot. Immediately Rax runs towards the cabin.

The two college kids look and stare at Lance. Lance doesn’t stare back. He’s on his feet running into the woods.

It was silly, Lance reflects later on in life while talking to his therapist, to look over his shoulder. He misses the giant tree roots that tangle up his feet and pitch him to the ground. His chin hits the forest floor hard, and he bit his tongue. Lance turns over onto his back quickly and starts scrambling backwards.

The college kids are advancing quickly. “Please. No, don’t…”

The college kid that was holding the gun swings his fist at Lance’s head, and lands straight into his left eye. Lance’s head bounces against the forest floor, and everything goes black.

***

The first thing that Lance notes is that his head really hurts. Then it’s that he’s swinging. The third thing he notices is that he’s upside down, and Lance is honestly surprised that he hasn’t had a panic attack or a flashback yet. When Lance opens his eyes his vision is swimming and the remaining college kids are surrounding him.

“ _What the hell is the matter with you kids_?” Lance mumbles.

“Ohmygawd. I think he’s possessed. He can’t speak English anymore!” The blond girl shrieks, desperately trying to light a cigarette.

“Don’t be stupid, Chloe. He’s speaking Spanish.” The other girl snaps.

“It doesn’t matter what language he’s speaking! What matters is revenge. Sending a message.” Lance decides to call him the crazy one.

Crazy One stands close to Lance. “I’ve never been this close to pure evil before.” He takes a sniff. “It kind of stinks.”

“Sorry,” Lance says, shrugging as well as he can while upside down. “They said 24-hour protection.”

“And now he’s back to English. Chad, make him stop!”

“Shut up, Chloe!” Crazy One (apparently named Chad) shouts. He holds the hatchet up to Lance’s face.

“Whoa. Listen, I know you kids are having fun and all, but I’m not really much of a thrill seeker.” Lance stammers out, breathing deeply. He’s hyper-focused on the blade of the hatchet, and he’s honestly not sure if everything in that sentence came out as English.

“It’s time for payback, you freak!” Crazy Chad grabs a hold of Lance’s hand. Again Lance starts to speak, but Crazy Chad isn’t listening. “This is for Mike!” The hatchet cuts through a couple of fingers, and blood splatters across Crazy Chads face. He’s grinning.

Lance is screaming again. He doesn’t notice the college kid leaving. He’s too busy being lightyears away, living in memories.

***

Hunk is busy changing the bandage on Alison’s head when her eyes blink open.

“Hunk?”

“Hey. How’re you feeling?”

“I feel... a little fuzzy. What happened?”

“Well, I... I can’t really...” Hunk lets out another sob. Soon everything comes pouring out of him, the story broken by his cries. Alison keeps a comforting hand on his back the entire time. “Oh, god. Sorry. That was embarrassing.”

“Hey, no. It’s okay to cry.”

“Lance still hasn’t come back yet. There’s something wrong with your friends. They really like killing people.”

“Hunk… I think there must have been some kind of mistake. My friends would never hurt anyone.”

There’s a knock at the door, followed by the sound of someone running away. Shakily the two make their way to the door. “There’s been a misunderstanding. I’m sure they’re not trying to kill you.” Alison says as they walk.

“DIE FREAK!” Filters in from outside. Hunk just raises an eyebrow.

“How about you go to the door. I’m gonna sit right here.” Hunks massive body plops into the chair in the center of the room.

“I’ll talk to them. Don’t worry.” The door opens, there’s silence, and then Alison is closing the door, a cloth package tight in her grip. Her face is pale. Wordlessly she hands the package over to Hunk.

Hunk opens the cloth, noting that the fabric comes from Lance’s shirt.

“Oh my god.” Alison darts over to a corner and vomits.

Lance’s severed fingers lay in the middle of the bloody cloth. Next to them is a bloody folded up piece of paper. Hunk reads the note and stands. The chair topples over backwards. “Do you know what to do to keep severed limbs alive?” He’s tired. Alison shakes her head.

Hunk wraps the fingers back up and places them on the table. “Put them in the cooler. I’m going to get Lance.”

Alison watches Hunk leave the cabin. She doesn’t put the fingers on ice.

***

Hunk has an unfortunate run in with another college kid’s body pierced by a tree before he finds Lance.

Lance is leaning against a tree, legs splayed out in front of him, eyes closed, hand clutched to his chest. “Lance!”

“Hunk, it’s a trap.”

Hunk stops dead, but it’s too late. A spear goes flying towards him. But the height was miscalculated, and it lands harmlessly in the space between his legs. Hunk pulls the spear out and tosses it to the side. He doesn’t even think as he picks Lance up fireman style, and treks back to the cabin.

***

“Let the girl go.” Hunk all but growls when he kicks open the cabin door. The hinges finally give way and the door breaks down. Lance is still over his shoulder, but he pats Hunk. Lance’s feet hit the ground, and he wobbles. But he stays standing, and he’s able to shove his way past the two college kids and stands between the college kids and Alison.

“You okay Ally?” Hunk asks.

Crazy Chad turns to look at Alison again, and Lance strengthens his stance. “Ally? Did he just call you Ally?” Crazy Chad shrieks and steps forward.

“Wait! Everybody just stop for a second and let’s talk this out. Nobody wants to hurt anyone.” Alison shouts.

“You could have fooled me.” Lance glares at Crazy Chad and holds up his bloody hand.

“Fuck off, freak.” Chad hisses.

“EVERYONE JUST CALM DOWN!” Alison screams and stomps her foot. “Here’s what we’re going to do. We’re all going to sit down and have some tea. And we’re going to talk. This is all just a big misunderstanding.” Alison leaves the shelter from behind Lance and pulls out a chair. “Chad, you sit here. Hunk go sit in the other chair. Now, who wants some tea?” Alison doesn’t wait for an answer and starts serving tea. Both Hunk and Crazy Chad follow her demands.

“This isn’t Chamomile, is it? I hate Chamomile. It fucks with my asthma.” Crazy Chad gripes.

“It’s Earl Grey.” Alison gives a smile, and both men sitting sip their tea. “Okay,” She says. “Here’s what we’re going to do. I want each of you to explain their side of the story. As you’re listening to the other person, I want you to imagine you’re in their shoes. Okay?” They nod. “Now, it’s important that we communicate our feelings and understand each other’s perspective before any progress can be made. Chad, why don’t you start?”

“Where do I fucking start?”

“Wherever you would like.”

“A long time ago... before I was born...”

“Okay, maybe not that far back.” Alison tries.

“This is important! You see... my parents were attacked by freaks like him.”

“Racist,” Lance mutters. Alison shoots him a glare.

“It was twenty years ago – the Memorial Day massacre... They brutally murdered everyone... just for fun. My mother didn’t even know she was pregnant with me yet. But they captured her... And they tortured her... My father was helpless... But my Mom outsmarted them... and escaped. My father wasn’t so lucky. His body was never found. By the time I was born, my mother was already institutionalized, and I grew up hearing that story from my Grandmother.” Crazy Chad finished speaking.

“Okay. Thank you for sharing with us, Chad. Hunk, do you have anything to say?” Alison asks after a moment of silence.

***

“Hunk?”

“Well... first off, I’m real sorry about your parents getting massacred and all. But I gotta say I didn’t have nothing to do with it. I would have been like six years old.”

“It may not have been you, but it was definitely your kind.” Crazy Chad hisses.

“Our kind?” Lance explodes from where he’s standing. “You think all people of colour are responsible for what happened to your parents? You hang out with _our kind_.”

“I don’t mean black people. Or people of colour. I mean hillbillies!”

The other college kids come running in, one screaming: “it’s show time, freaks!” He’s wielding a weed-whacker and charging at Lance.

Lance dives out of the way, rolling like how Shiro taught him. The girl that accompanied Crazy Chad wasn’t so fast, and the weed-whacker tore into her face. Blood splatters onto the blonde girl, who screams. The other girl falls to the ground. The blond girl backs into a corner of the cabin, the one filled with all the gas cans, and is desperately trying to light a cigarette.

The one with the weed-whacker goes after Lance again, and Crazy Chad grabs the kerosene lantern and chucks it at Hunk. Hunk sidesteps and the lantern hits the college kid with a weed-whacker. The fabric of his pants quickly catches flame. Alison screams and grabs the nearest thing filled with liquid.

“Not that!” Both Hunk and Lance scream. But it’s too late. The liquid flies through the air and lands on his pants. But the flames get worse, and Alison looks at the can in horror when she reads PAINT THINNER on the label.

Weed-whacker college kid falls to the ground. “We have to get out of here! They poured gasoline all over the place!”

Lance and Hunk leave the cabin, Lance out the window and Hunk American Football rushing the door. He snags Alison on his way out. His feet just clear off of the porch when the cabin explodes. Hunk doesn’t stop running until he reaches the car.

Lance is already in the driver’s seat, Rax sitting beside him. Hunk tosses Alison into the middle seat and slides into the remaining space. The truck door slams shut, and they stare at the burning embers of the cabin. “I should have asked Keith to come with us.” Lance finally says.

“I killed one of my friends.”

“That Chad is one tough fucker.”

Indeed, Chad is standing in the doorway of the house, body and clothes a burnt mess.

There’s a twist of the key and the truck sputters to life. Lance’s foot hits the pedal and he floors it. The truck flies backwards, and there’s a hard _thunk_ as Chad’s body hits the truck. Lance hits the brakes before switching gears, then the truck is flying down the forest into the dark night.

“This is all my fault. This all happened because of me.” Alison sobs out.

“That’s not true. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” Hunk pats her arm, and Rax climbs into her lap.

“Hell, you were unconscious half the time.” Lance tries.

“I’m a terrible therapist.” There’s a shaky laugh from Alison, but it’s clogged with tears.

“No, don’t say that. It’s not true. I feel like I could talk to you about anything.” Hunk continues to pat her arm.

“Really?” Alison’s big brown eyes turn onto Hunk, and this time Hunk doesn’t flinch away.

“Sure. For instance, I’d probably have a hard time telling Lance this, but I feel like I can tell you.” He says.

“What is it?” Alison sniffles.

“We don’t have brakes.” Hunk deadpans.

But suddenly Lance is screaming and they’re careening down a steep hill. “WE DON’T HAVE ANY FUCKING BRAKES!” His foot is desperately hitting the brake pedal, but nothing is happening. “HUNK I HATE IT WHEN YOUR JOKES DO THIS!”

The truck slams into a tree and wraps around it. All goes black

***

When Hunk wakes up he’s the only one in the truck. “Alison? Lance? LANCE!”

“Down here buddy.”

Hunk crawls out of the open driver side door. Lance is sitting on the ground again, arm laying at a weird angle. Rax is sitting in his lap, breathing hard. “The crazy fucker took her. I tried to fight him off, buddy. But it fucking hurts.” Lance closes his eyes. A small smile spreads across his face. “Hunk, buddy. Go get that fucker for me.”

“Lance?” Hunk stares. There’s so much blood.

“Go. I’ll be fine. I’m just going to rest here.”

***

Chad is ranting and waving a knife around. Sometimes he’s stroking Alison’s face with it, other times he’s just gesturing. Hunk is somehow hidden in the shadows of the old mill. When Chad leaves Hunk moves.

“Thanks for coming back for me.” Alison smiles at Hunk.

“Don’t thank me until we’re out of here.” Hunks fingers are making quick work of the knots. Suddenly, the saw that Alison is tied to stutters to life.

“Ahh, how sweet. The dim-witted hillbilly’s trying to save the girl of his dreams.” Chad cackles over the intercom. “You think you’re gonna win. But you’re wrong. Your kind never win. That’s why you live in trailers and screw your cousins. Time to say goodbye to the girl. You shouldn’t have betrayed me, Allison.”

The log Alison is attached starts to move, and woodchips start to fly.

“How is anything in this place still working?” Hunk shouts.

Chad comes swooping down on a hook, hollering. He had a scythe cradled in his other arm. Chad’s feet plant themselves into Hunk’s chest, and Hunk stumbles back. Immediately Chad grabs a hold of his scythe and swings it at Hunk.

Hunk shoves his arm under the blade and stops the swing. The tip of the blade was an inch away from Hunk’s nose. Hunk shouts and shoves Chad away, yanking the scythe out of Chad’s hand at the same time. Chad gives another scream and runs out of the room.

The scythe gets twirled in Hunks hands, and the blade gets sunk into the side of the log. The ropes snap and Alison rolls free. As soon as she has her feet under her she’s wrapped around Hunk like an octopus. “Thank you!”

They hear a cackle from somewhere in the mill. Then the doors slam shut and skittering. Hunk slams his girth into the doors. They don’t move.

Alison screams suddenly, and gestures into the shadows. Chad’s eyes are glinting in the dark, wide and wild. He has a chainsaw. Hunk starts running. As he passes by Alison he tosses her over his shoulder and makes his way up some rickety stairs. The catwalk is broken in the middle, but Hunk doesn’t stop moving. He clears the gap with ease and Alison shrieks.

She gets dropped on the ground right by a ladder. “Climb.” Hunk pants. She’s on her feet in a jiffy. And she’s glad that the rungs of the ladder can hold her weight, creaky as they are. She opens the trap door, and is topples over into some kind of office. Hunk doesn’t bother with the ladder and just lifts himself through the trap door.

Hunk slams and bars the trap door shut as Alison looks around the room. There’s a thick layer of dust coating the entire room.

“It’s been a while since anyone had been here, huh?” Alison speaks in a whisper.

“Not for 28 years. At least, that what the calendar says.”

Alison hums and continues to wander the room. “How are you so good at fighting?”

“Lance and I… we’re veterans.”

“You both look kind of young to be soldiers.”

“We signed up young.” Hunk shrugs. “Your friend Chad needs some serious help.”

“He’s not my friend.”

They’re silent for a bit after that, busy with their own thoughts and looking around. Hunk is looking at a desk when a bright yellow box catches his eye. It was the only thing that has any real colour left in this dusty office. Even the plastic Whiffle Ball bat is dull. But the paint stayed on the box. Hunk picks it up with careful hands and blows the dust off of the cover. Chamomile Tea…

“Hey, Hunk, come take a look at this.”

Hunk makes his way over to Alison. She’s holding a newspaper clipping. “What is it?” Hunk asks.

“Doesn’t he look familiar?” Alison shakes the picture.

The picture is of an angry looking hillbilly being shoved into the back of the police car.

“That’s the cabin in the background. And he kind of…”

“Yeah, and it says here: Single survivor leads police to the Memorial Day killer. The survivor is reported to have been tortured and raped. She is now undergoing psychiatric evaluation.” Alison nods.

“Wow. That’s just like that story that he made up…”

“What if he didn’t make it up? What did Chad say about his father?”

“His body was never found.” Hunk stares at the picture. “You don’t think…?”

Alison nods.

Suddenly, the sound of a chainsaw fills the air. The angry blades cut easily through the wood bar holding the trap door shut. The chainsaw rumbles in Chad’s hands as he climbs through. “Time to die, freak!”

“Chad…” Alison tries. But Chad ignores her and rushes at Hunk, chainsaw raised above his head.

“Wait!” Hunk yells, and Chad falters. “You’re a hillbilly!”

“Shut up!”

“It’s true, Chad. Look at this picture!” Alison waves the newspaper clipping at him. “That’s your real father there. You’re half hillbilly.”

“No! You’re lying!” Chad sobs and rips the clipping out of her hand. “They lied to me. Why would they _lie to me_?” His voice is wrecked with rage and tears.

“Maybe they were afraid to tell you the truth.”

“Everything is a lie. There is no truth!” Chad screams and turns back to Hunk. The chainsaw is growling in Chad’s hands and he rushes towards Hunk.

Hunk doesn’t even think when he cracks open the tea box and tosses a handful of it into Chads face.

The chainsaw drops from his hands, and Chad starts coughing. “I... can’t breathe... I can’t...” He shudders and convulses as he fights for air. He stumbles backwards, out the door, still fighting for air. Alison and Hunk follow after him.

“What did you do?”

“Anthemis nobilis...” Hunk says and shows her the remains of the box that reads ‘“Loose Unfiltered Chamomile Tea.’ “It’s the ingredient in chamomile tea that can cause an anaphylactic reaction in rare cases where people who are allergic to it.” Hunk notices Alison staring at him. “I was a… field medic in the army. One of the guys was allergic to it.” Hunk shrugs and looks back at Chad. “He’ll be fine once we get him his inhaler.”

Except Chad won’t be fine, because he chose that moment to fall backwards out a window, falling twenty-five feet and landing on the broken equipment below. Alison and Hunk peer over the edge. “Damn… his inhaler isn’t going to help with that.” Hunk deadpans.

Alison snickers and smacks Hunk on the arm.

***

“Hunk, where are you taking me?” Alison asks as Hunk leads her deeper into the hospital. A while back they passed through a private section, and now they were coming up to a door guarded heavily by security.

Hunk gives a nod to the two men in uniforms. “She’s with me.”

One of the guards opens the door. Alison gasps when she enters the room and the door clicks shut behind her.

The first thing she notices is Lance laying on the hospital bed, but he isn’t alone. He has his hand buried in the hair of his companion, right between a giant set of furry purple ears. His companion is busy playing a videogame on the TV with another person wearing glasses. Lance’s other hand is being held by a large man with a white shock of hair surround by black hair and a scar that goes over the bridge of his nose. There was a gorgeous woman standing in the corner, long white hair only accenting her dark skin, pointed ears, and tiny triangles of colour under her eyes. She’s talking to a man with the same length and hair colour as hers, but his skin is a lavender purple instead.

Or, at least, that’s what they were doing before Alison entered the room. Now they were all staring at her. “Alison!” Lance yelled, a smile on his face.

“Alison,” Hunks voice draws her attention. “I’d like you to meet everyone, but you can’t say anything until introductions are over. That’s Pidge over there, wearing glasses. They’re terrifying, so don’t make them angry. On the bed with Lance is Keith, he’s half Galra, and he doesn’t always have purple fuzzy ears. Only when he’s upset, and that’s because of a curse. The one holding Lance’s hand is Shiro. His arm can glow. Also, he was our leader. He and Keith are both dating Lance, so, there’s that. The guy with purple skin in the corner is Emperor Lotor of the Galra. And the lovely lady next to him is his wife, and…”

“Princess Allura of Altea is ten times the worth of any of us, and should have been mentioned first, Hunk. She’s my soulmate, after all.” Lance interrupts, and everyone laughs.

“What… Hunk, what does this all mean?”

“Alison, I lied when I told you Lance and I were veterans.”

“I kinda see that now.”

“We’re Paladins of Voltron and the Defenders of the Universe.”


End file.
